One thing that I have learned so far in life is that balancing your priorities can be extremely difficult at times. I will be the first to admit that I am a selfish person. It’s not something that I am proud of but it is something I try and work on daily. However, I don’t always succeed. I was lucky enough to marry a man who puts up with my selfishness, even though it has caused many a fights over the years. But, boy, do I love him. Our pastor talks about our natural response, and that the human nature in us is to respond to things either selfish or negatively most of the time. As a first time mom I have naturally responded to put my son first, over myself and my husband most of the time. I justify doing that because it is my responsibility to take care of his needs: I nurse him, change his diaper, comfort him, play with him, put him bed and am all around his sense of security. Now my mom would say that putting the children first is what cost her her marriage to my dad, and for the most part she was probably right. It’s hard to remember that my marriage needs to come first, Levi needs to come first before Noah. But how do I do that when Noah needs me right to basically thrive? It’s been a hard thing to adjust to. All I have done for the past 6 months is learn how to take care of a baby and grow as a mother, and I have also been trying to continue to grow as a wife. My role as a wife has changed since Noah was born. It’s no longer just me and Levi anymore, where the majority of my days were spent with only him and he had all of my attention. Now my attention has split and in a way my role as a wife has expanded a little bit. I am now the woman who is taking care of Levi’s child, the woman he leaves his child with and trusts to take care of him every day. The effort that I put into my marriage has now increased because I have to consciously make it my priority every day, whereas before it was easier to put Levi first. But I have to say I love being a wife AND a mom. It’s a new adventure in my life, and mountain to climb and oh man is it tiring. But I love working on myself and working on making my marriage better, working to not be a selfish person but instead a person who gives of herself; to my husband and my Noah.
I also need to do a better job at responding to my family and what they are going through. I am extremely insecure when it comes to my family because of how much they like to gossip. Their gossip makes me angry and I respond to it by judging them or pushing them out of my life because I don’t trust them. My natural response to my family is an unhealthy one. The response I should have to their gossip is one like this: its none of my business. I should not be tied up in other people’s gossip nor should I be gossiping about someone else. It only hurts them and eventually me. My family is definitely a place where I need to grow in humility and grace. Some day I will get there.
Until next time…
Have a fabulous day!