I truly hope that everyone who reads this is having an amazing start to their week. Tonight, Levi, Noah and I are going over to a good friend’s house to pig out on junk food and watch Monday Night Football. The Bears are playing the Lions. Cannot wait. Levi and I need some time out of the house and with friends. Don’t get me wrong, family is great company. We spent all Saturday up in Brighton with Levi’s family and it was a lot of fun. But I haven’t seen my friends in a while. I miss them.
I turned to Levi last night and asked him if he remembers life without Noah. He said “not really”. The truth is, neither can I! Although, I do remember getting more sleep, not being frustrated all of the time, and oh ya, having a cute body. I would be lying if I said I’m not struggling with that, losing my body. I just try to look at it as it being on loan for the health of my baby. A lot of women lose their baby weight so quickly when they breast feed, I am not one of those women. 9 months of nursing and I’m not even close, and it’s starting to wear on me. Levi will constantly tell me how beautiful I am and I just can’t believe him (even though to him, he’s telling the truth). I do know, that once Noah is done nursing, losing the rest of the weight will be a lot easier, because I won’t be eating to feed him anymore. The things we go through when we become mothers 🙂
Life sure has been different since having Noah. You learn not to be so selfish, and that you don’t need much to entertain you anymore- cable, movies, dancing, parties- all seem boring compared to watching Noah play fetch with himself all over the house. Or watching him trying to pull himself up on everything. Or going after Twitch’s tail. All things boring compared to him. Until I start to get cabin fever and I feel like my brain hasn’t been exercised in weeks. I have thought about going back to work, but since having my own baby and childbirth experience, my beliefs and passion for birth has changed, and I don’t know if being a birth doula and studying to be a midwife is the right path for me anymore. There are several things I can do with my degree; social work, teaching, and work for non- profits. I could also go back to school and exercise my brain for a masters degree. Oh, how I would love to do that. But, we got this tiny little bill in the mail this month for money we borrowed to pay for my first degree. And when I said tiny, I meant a small house payment for the rest of my life. So, going back to school may not be the smartest thing for me to do right now, since we are living on one income and all.
I always knew that being home with Noah is what I wanted to do, I just didn’t prepare myself for how hard it would be at times. Living more on a budget and having some of the luxuries I used to have,feeling lonely and isolated sometimes, and not having any friends with babies makes it harder to share this time with friends. But as Noah gets older and more independent, the more I can’t wait for him to wake up from naps because I love having a baby crawling all around the house, making discoveries for the first time, and learning how to play with his dog and with me. I love it so much, that if I had to live on a budget the rest of my life, I think I could be ok with that. Once you have a baby you learn that you don’t need “things” to make you happy. Building a cathedral makes me happy. I don’t need credit for it, and I don’t want payment. I want to build it for those who will live after me, so they can enjoy it. Noah and my family is my cathedral, and all I want his for them know love so they themselves can show love to others.
Until next time…
Have a fabulous day!