I have always loved running, in theory. I have never actually ran when I wasn’t instructed to do so. I’ve always been so jealous of my friends who are runners, who can really talk about and experience a “runner’s high” . I hate to run. I was lucky enough to be born into a family with a long history of knee problems, so running isn’t all that fun for me. But oh gosh how I wish I loved to run! Running is the cheapest, most convenient and easy way to exercise. All you have to do is lace up your shoes, put your IPod headphones in your ear, and step outside your door. Breathe in the fresh air of an early summer morning and run to the tune you’ve set for your conquest. Sweat dripping, breath racing as you soak in the view off morning sunrise and the smell of sprinklers going off across the way, and working out whatever stress you have, against the pavement. Now, of course I’m not speaking from experience, but that’s how I envision running to be.
Based on the events of the last year of my life, I have the opportunity to re-create myself. I really thought my thirties were going to be amazing part of my life. Maybe they still can be. I want to lose weight, for good. It’s very humbling to even say that because I have a histoty of a not so positive relationship with food. I’ve never been able to lose weight on my own. It’s always been a coach yelling at me to run or me doing terrible things to my body, where I’ve been successful at losing weight. I have never actually had control of my body in that aspect. Well, it’s time I can take control of my body. I want a body I can be proud of and gives me confidence to be around people.
My husband is constantly asking me how he can make me happy. The answer to that question is I have to be happy with myself, before him or anything else can bring me the joy I want them to. In order to for me to get there, I have to get up and stop feeling sorry for myself, which I have been for the past several months. And stop eating chocolate. Aw man, really!!?? Do I have to? The first step to being happy, for me, is to start running. Ironic huh? A few minutes ago I said I hate to run, and yet that’s supposed to make me happy? Well, riding my bike, which I love, I’ve never lost weight doing. I’ve joined gyms, only to pay monthly dues for something I can never make it to. I’ve tried bringing the gym home to me, but the equipment just collects dust in the basement. I’ve tried diet pills and supplements, but I’m nursing a sweet little baby boy and wouldn’t jeapordize that for anything! So, I have to do this the old fashion way. I’ve never been very good at the old fashion way. Maybe that’s why it has to work?? I have never done anything hard before, especially for myself. And if I can achieve what I am hoping, to be a runner, maybe I can start working on other difficult parts of my life.
When trying to change such a big part of your life, of who you are, there has to be some kind of incentive, something to work towards, right? Well, all of my friends who are runners enjoy running races. I want to run my first race next year. Not walk, but RUN! Like, the whole thing! I want to start off with a 5K. Would LOVE to do the Bolder Boulder but that’s too big of a goal and I don’t want to fail at this. I can’t fail at one more thing in life right now. Second, I want to fit into my pre-baby clothes! I have a pair of jeans I would just love to fit into again. May not be possible I know, but I would love to wear them again. Or buy new jeans in the same size as my old ones. And lastly, I want to wear a swim suit at the pool next summer, where I plan on spending the majority of my time with the kiddos. Liam will be 1 year old and able to go swimming with us. I looked around the pool this summer and saw all the moms who were in the pool with their babies, talking to each other. Having so much fun, acting so confident in who they were. I want that. I need that in my life right now. So, I’m going to get it. A good exercise routine, I feel, can help me with so much of what I’m struggling with: self worth, energy, health, my mood, sleep! (Ok Liam needs to help me with that too), the list can go on I’m sure. I’m hoping, praying, that it can help me be confident in who I am and what I have to give.
I’ve been researching on how to train for a 5K, and let me tell you, I’m excited! I actually believe I can do it. Although I will need every day from now to next summer to get ready! I can’t do anything drastic, as I need to take care of Liam and my milk supply, as well as my thoughts about myself. I really like this website for a way to start learning how to run
Yes, I am 31 years old and I have to learn how to run. Don’t be surprised! It’s very smart to do something like this so I can set myself for success, instead of just trying to go for a run one day, and well, end up dying! Ok, too dramatic. But I want to succeed in this, badly. I want to be a runner.
I also plan on cutting my Pinterest Page that house all my dessert recipes, because who needs that temptation right now. I will write down a few that I use often but say good bye to all.that.chocolate. Good bye my dear, sweet (haha get it?) friend. I won’t miss you. Ok that’s a lie…. I have absolutely no clue how much I weigh….haven’t known for over 7 years. It’s a number that will just create an obsession if I knew. I’m not measuring this on a number, per se, but on how far how I can run without stopping. And how long it will take me to run 3.1 miles. That’s the only number I care about. 3.1
I will continue to write about my running journey and where I’m at. What I am succeeding in and struggling with. I feel there’s a small amount of accountability in blogging. People want to know how you are doing and maybe looking for tips and little inspiration for themselves in what you are doing. I hope I can succeed in this. It will be fun to look back a year from now, and say “I did it! I am a runner”. After I run my first 5K.
Until next time,
Have a fabulous day!